Facing the Challenge

Introduction

Life is full of challenges. Indeed life without a challenge would be dull and boring.

Not all challenges are as exciting as above.

Verbal communication is at the heart of living and interacting with fellow humans, keeping up to date with what is going on in the world, going about our business and generally enjoying ourselves.

Hearing presents challenges several times a day at meetings in work, at social gatherings of any sort, on the phone, in a noisy crowd at football matches, playing doubles tennis and browsing in a busy market to name but a few.

Losing our ability to hear well causes all sorts of practical issues and emotional and psychological problems. It also has big implications for relationships.

However poor hearing does not automatically mean a poor quality life. It is a challenge for us to overcome, not a nice or exciting one, but a challenge nevertheless. The impact of hearing loss depends on the extent of the loss and critically on how well we handle the challenge.

This section is about living with a hearing loss. It is about coping and adjusting. It is about living a full life despite the hearing issues. It provides ideas. Everybody has to work out their own way of adjusting.

For simplicity we have used the following headings to discuss various issues

Psychological and Emotional factors
Make the most of your hearing aid and assistive technology
Keeping up to date
Alternative means of communicating
Day to day pragmatism
The social scene
The workplace
Travelling
Relationships
A positive attitude
Relaxation

Psychological and Emotional factors

A person living with a hearing loss gets very frustrated at times at not being able to participate fully in meetings, at parties or indeed most group situations or where there is some background noise. It is very isolating even in the midst of a crowd.

People get embarrassed, lose confidence and get irritated or miserable quite a lot. You can get used to it somewhat but it never goes away fully

Depression is not uncommon

It comes naturally to some to share the pain, to say what is on their mind. However for most of us the inclination is to keep our feelings and vulnerabilities to ourselves. Being able to talk about the issues involved, with family, friends, neighbours or colleagues is a great help. Often people need a safety zone. Peer support is such a source of help and indeed some people need and get professional psychotherapeutic help.

Don’t pretend there is no issue. Don’t take it on the chin without flinching; don’t deal with it internally while you are all smiles on the outside

Make the most of your hearing aid and assistive technology

Hearing aid technology is constantly moving on. Your hearing loss changes and aids can become less efficient over time due to dirt and moisture build up. Visit your audiologist the odd time and keep an ear to the ground about developments

It is a great help to look at the devices available. It is something you can do. It is a positive step. Something you can tick off. Something you can personally without being over dependant on others

Read magazines such as “Deafhear Matters”, RNID’s “One in Seven” or our own “Hearsay” Check the Internet every now and again. If you see other people with gadgets ask about them

Keeping up to date

Poor hearing can be compared to a jigsaw. If you do not have the picture on the front of the box you would probably not be able to do a 1000 piece jigsaw no matter how many days, weeks, months and even years you put in.

In the hard of hearing world and indeed often for people with normal hearing, you can substitute the word “Context” for “Picture”. “Staying in the Know” helps you follow conversations where words are not as clear as they once were. Knowing and understanding the context is a great aid to “hearing” when lip-reading.

If you know the conversation is about soccer you will hear Manchester United, Shay Given and Johnny Giles much more easily. Likewise if the conversation is about politics you will be on the look out for Brian Cowen and Barack Obama.

So read the paper, look at teletext and keep up to date with what is going on. So many conversations will be about current issues

Alternative means of communicating

Often it is simply not possible to do something the normal way and you need alternative ways of doing things. In the next few pages we list some ideas under four headings.

We recommend lip reading classes. See Classes available from Deafhear.ie on their website

The AR & hearing help class focuses on lip reading and teases out strategies for difficult hearing situations. It is amazing how much help it is to talk to others in the same position as yourself. Others often have reasonable solutions for problems you are struggling with. Remember a problem shared is a problem halved.

Day to day pragmatism

Whether you are deaf or blind, grandparent or young child, live in the city or on a farm, we all have to feed ourselves, get to and from school, work or wherever, pay bills, do things we need to do. If the buses are not running, you take a car or cycle to work.

Below are a list of issues and some possible solutions

Problem

Possible Solution(s)

I am always sleeping in

Get an alarm clock with a vibrating pillow

I’m at my wit’s end wondering will I hear doorbells, phones etc

Get a vibrating alert system

I dread answering the Phone

Use the T switch on your hearing aid

Use the loud speaker facility

Tell whoever rings you don’t hear well and ask them to speak clearly

I can’t make phone calls

Send text messages

Use email

I miss simple chats

Try learning to lip read and find a quiet corner to have your chat

I can’t follow “Desperate housewives” on TV

Use Subtitles

I can’t follow the news on radio

Use teletext and the internet

I can’t drive and lip read

Don’t!

Let someone else do the driving

I don’t know how much to give the shopkeeper

Look at the cash register

Use your credit or laser card

Ask the shopkeeper to write down the price

Necessity leads to creativity. Think about problems, try out things on a trial and error basis and remember what works

Click Communication Rules to see some tips which will help make communication easier.

The Social Scene

Often people notice their hearing loss in the first instance socially. That is because socially you often have a fair degree of background noise, fast moving conversation and indeed several competing conversations.

Below is a list of some issues and possible solutions

Problem

Possible Solution(s)

Restaurants are too noisy

Try the early bird menu. Restaurants will be quieter then

Go with 2 or 3 people only

Have music turned down and lights turned on

Make a mental note of good restaurants

There are too many people in the room and too much noise

Grab a friend and go to a quiet spot or go outside for a few minutes

I find it impossible on the side of the pitch at my son’s match

Volunteer to be the linesman!

Draw one person aside

I find it impossible to walk and talk at same time

Walk a bit, stop and talk, walk again, stop and talk etc

Often I don’t know what people are talking about and can’t join in

Be assertive. Start conversations so that you know what the conversation is about

Although social occasions can be extremely difficult, it is extremely important for your heart and soul to find an outlet for you to mix with others. We all meet our friends, partners etc somewhere. If we avoid these occasions all the time it makes things worse. Do things you are comfortable doing but push the boundaries from time to time

The workplace

Often there are no issues in the workplace. Jobs do not always involve huge amount of meetings or time on the phone, the hard of hearing person may be particularly skilled and companies word around him or her. The workplace is often easier to hear in than many social situations.

That said, there can be a lot of stress as your hearing disability can prevent you doing your job. Added to this is the worry that you may lose your job and be in a difficult position financially.

Issues that face hard of hearing people and inhibit good performance usually involve

Use of phone
Meetings, both formal and meetings on the run
Teleconference and videoconference meetings
Networking

Under legislation there is an onus on employers to make “reasonable accommodation” to facilitate people with disabilities. In practice few want to resort to using the legislation to force an issue.

That said many employers are keen to help employees with disabilities.

It is best to be open about the difficulties you have and discuss issues with your immediate boss and colleagues. Often people will want to help you but need to be told how.

Reasonable adjustments can be easy and facilitate everyone, some examples

All important company announcements to be circulated in writing or posted on the company’s intranet.
Minutes of meetings to be circulated quickly.
Hard of hearing people to be excused from chairing, minute taking or timekeeping roles at meetings.
Positioning of your desk in quiet and/or bright locations.
Allow hard of hearing people to take a few short time outs

The key is the ability to discuss issues and a determination / willingness to be reasonable. This applies to everyone including the hard of hearing person

Travelling

Travelling provides some unique challenges particularly if you are travelling on your own. Here are some suggestions

Make sure you know the schedule, boarding times, station / terminal locations, flight / bus numbers etc
Make sure you have all the official documentation you need
Allow sufficient time for delays or simply finding your feet
Watch out for loop signs at stations and airports
Watch out for signage
Have a map with you
Have a pen and paper with you

Relationships

Relationships are the spice of life.

Poor hearing affects relationships in three ways. It effects the hard of hearing person, the hearing partner and that relationship itself i.e. us, we as a couple. Here are a few examples of how hearing affects relationships.

The HOH person is frustrated, as he/she can’t hear what is being said to them.
The hearing partners are frustrated, as they often can’t convey a simple thought or message.
On hearing the wrong message a HOH person may react inappropriately and upset their hearing partner
The hearing partner says one thing, the HOH person hears another with all sort of consequences like babies not been collected from the crèche or him finding she took the car when he needed it !
He is too tired to face a gang at a party and she is craving a night out.
She (HOH person) talks very little, he does all the talking. They are an odd couple
The kids always talk to her but not him (HOH person)

It is important to understand that these things happen and find ways around them. Write key things down. Talk about issues away from the heat of misunderstandings. There may be a need for outside help.

A positive attitude

As a deaf or hard of hearing person we are blessed with being highly independent, being able to get out and about, drive cars or cycle, watch TV or go to the theatre, participate in sport or sit at the sideline and watch. We can do cookery courses at night. We can take the dog for a walk, try to do the crossword, envy the neighbour heading for a ski holiday or enjoy an old friend’s company. There is no shortage of things we can do. There are alternatives to things we can’t do (not always perfect solutions but there just the same).

We can view a glass as half full or half empty.

It is our own choice, so make the right one!

Relaxation

Listening when you can’t hear, hearing through your eyes, trying to do your work when you can’t hear is both stressful and tiring. You need a break

Know what you enjoy and pamper yourself from time to time

A person living with a hearing loss gets very frustrated at times at not being able to participate fully in meetings, at parties or indeed most group situations or where there is some background noise. It is very isolating even in the midst of a crowd.
		People get embarrassed, lose confidence and get irritated or miserable quite a lot. You can get used to it somewhat but it never goes away fully Depression is not uncommon

Problem	Possible Solution(s)
I am always sleeping in	Get an alarm clock with a vibrating pillow
I’m at my wit’s end wondering will I hear doorbells, phones etc	Get a vibrating alert system
I dread answering the Phone	Use the T switch on your hearing aid Use the loud speaker facility Tell whoever rings you don’t hear well and ask them to speak clearly
I can’t make phone calls	Send text messages Use email
I miss simple chats	Try learning to lip read and find a quiet corner to have your chat
I can’t follow “Desperate housewives” on TV	Use Subtitles
I can’t follow the news on radio	Use teletext and the internet
I can’t drive and lip read	Don’t! Let someone else do the driving
I don’t know how much to give the shopkeeper	Look at the cash register Use your credit or laser card Ask the shopkeeper to write down the price

Problem	Possible Solution(s)
Restaurants are too noisy	Try the early bird menu. Restaurants will be quieter then Go with 2 or 3 people only Have music turned down and lights turned on Make a mental note of good restaurants
There are too many people in the room and too much noise	Grab a friend and go to a quiet spot or go outside for a few minutes
I find it impossible on the side of the pitch at my son’s match	Volunteer to be the linesman! Draw one person aside
I find it impossible to walk and talk at same time	Walk a bit, stop and talk, walk again, stop and talk etc
Often I don’t know what people are talking about and can’t join in	Be assertive. Start conversations so that you know what the conversation is about

Although social occasions can be extremely difficult, it is extremely important for your heart and soul to find an outlet for you to mix with others. We all meet our friends, partners etc somewhere. If we avoid these occasions all the time it makes things worse. Do things you are comfortable doing but push the boundaries from time to time

Facing the Challenge

Introduction

Life is full of challenges. Indeed life without a challenge would be dull and boring.

Not all challenges are as exciting as above.

Verbal communication is at the heart of living and interacting with fellow humans, keeping up to date with what is going on in the world, going about our business and generally enjoying ourselves.

Hearing presents challenges several times a day at meetings in work, at social gatherings of any sort, on the phone, in a noisy crowd at football matches, playing doubles tennis and browsing in a busy market to name but a few.

Losing our ability to hear well causes all sorts of practical issues and emotional and psychological problems. It also has big implications for relationships.

However poor hearing does not automatically mean a poor quality life. It is a challenge for us to overcome, not a nice or exciting one, but a challenge nevertheless. The impact of hearing loss depends on the extent of the loss and critically on how well we handle the challenge.

This section is about living with a hearing loss. It is about coping and adjusting. It is about living a full life despite the hearing issues. It provides ideas. Everybody has to work out their own way of adjusting.

For simplicity we have used the following headings to discuss various issues

Psychological and Emotional factors

Make the most of your hearing aid and assistive technology

Keeping up to date

Alternative means of communicating

Day to day pragmatism

The social scene

The workplace

Travelling

Relationships

A positive attitude

Relaxation

Psychological and Emotional factors

Don’t pretend there is no issue. Don’t take it on the chin without flinching; don’t deal with it internally while you are all smiles on the outside

Make the most of your hearing aid and assistive technology

Read magazines such as “Deafhear Matters”, RNID’s “One in Seven” or our own “Hearsay” Check the Internet every now and again. If you see other people with gadgets ask about them

Keeping up to date

Poor hearing can be compared to a jigsaw. If you do not have the picture on the front of the box you would probably not be able to do a 1000 piece jigsaw no matter how many days, weeks, months and even years you put in.

If you know the conversation is about soccer you will hear Manchester United, Shay Given and Johnny Giles much more easily. Likewise if the conversation is about politics you will be on the look out for Brian Cowen and Barack Obama.

So read the paper, look at teletext and keep up to date with what is going on. So many conversations will be about current issues

Alternative means of communicating

Often it is simply not possible to do something the normal way and you need alternative ways of doing things. In the next few pages we list some ideas under four headings.

We recommend lip reading classes. See Classes available from Deafhear.ie on their website

Day to day pragmatism

Whether you are deaf or blind, grandparent or young child, live in the city or on a farm, we all have to feed ourselves, get to and from school, work or wherever, pay bills, do things we need to do. If the buses are not running, you take a car or cycle to work.

Below are a list of issues and some possible solutions

Necessity leads to creativity. Think about problems, try out things on a trial and error basis and remember what works

Click Communication Rules to see some tips which will help make communication easier.

The Social Scene

Often people notice their hearing loss in the first instance socially. That is because socially you often have a fair degree of background noise, fast moving conversation and indeed several competing conversations.

Below is a list of some issues and possible solutions

The workplace

Often there are no issues in the workplace. Jobs do not always involve huge amount of meetings or time on the phone, the hard of hearing person may be particularly skilled and companies word around him or her. The workplace is often easier to hear in than many social situations.

That said, there can be a lot of stress as your hearing disability can prevent you doing your job. Added to this is the worry that you may lose your job and be in a difficult position financially.

Issues that face hard of hearing people and inhibit good performance usually involve

Use of phone

Meetings, both formal and meetings on the run

Teleconference and videoconference meetings

Networking

Under legislation there is an onus on employers to make “reasonable accommodation” to facilitate people with disabilities. In practice few want to resort to using the legislation to force an issue.

That said many employers are keen to help employees with disabilities.

It is best to be open about the difficulties you have and discuss issues with your immediate boss and colleagues. Often people will want to help you but need to be told how.

Reasonable adjustments can be easy and facilitate everyone, some examples

All important company announcements to be circulated in writing or posted on the company’s intranet.

Minutes of meetings to be circulated quickly.

Hard of hearing people to be excused from chairing, minute taking or timekeeping roles at meetings.

Positioning of your desk in quiet and/or bright locations.

Allow hard of hearing people to take a few short time outs

The key is the ability to discuss issues and a determination / willingness to be reasonable. This applies to everyone including the hard of hearing person

Travelling

Travelling provides some unique challenges particularly if you are travelling on your own. Here are some suggestions

Make sure you know the schedule, boarding times, station / terminal locations, flight / bus numbers etc

Make sure you have all the official documentation you need

Allow sufficient time for delays or simply finding your feet

Watch out for loop signs at stations and airports

Watch out for signage

Have a map with you

Have a pen and paper with you

Relationships

Relationships are the spice of life.

Poor hearing affects relationships in three ways. It effects the hard of hearing person, the hearing partner and that relationship itself i.e. us, we as a couple. Here are a few examples of how hearing affects relationships.

The HOH person is frustrated, as he/she can’t hear what is being said to them.

The hearing partners are frustrated, as they often can’t convey a simple thought or message.

On hearing the wrong message a HOH person may react inappropriately and upset their hearing partner

The hearing partner says one thing, the HOH person hears another with all sort of consequences like babies not been collected from the crèche or him finding she took the car when he needed it !

He is too tired to face a gang at a party and she is craving a night out.

She (HOH person) talks very little, he does all the talking. They are an odd couple

The kids always talk to her but not him (HOH person)

It is important to understand that these things happen and find ways around them. Write key things down. Talk about issues away from the heat of misunderstandings. There may be a need for outside help.

A positive attitude

We can view a glass as half full or half empty.